Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A healing or a curse?

Some days are just easier to bear than others. Surprisingly to me, there isn't even a correlation between good or bad things happening in a given day. Sometimes you just roll out of bed and you know it's going to be a difficult day. It's at those times I find it impossible to listen to music on the radio. I have always loved and listened to music. Perhaps it is part of the CAPD that I have struggled with through out my life, but up until recently, there were very few songs that I could make out the words enough to follow the lyrics and the storyline. For the most part I liked a song based on it's sound. I could make out some words and the sound of the music would clue me into whether it was a love song or an angry song etc.

Well sometime in the last 6 months I had a healing of sorts when something shifted inside my brain, I remember quite clearly sitting in my car, driving around doing my errands, when I realized for the first time in my life I was hearing the lyrics, and actually understanding the story line of the song. It was awesome....till I realized that some of my favorite songs that I had always loved just depressed the hell out of me. It was almost enough to make me switch to a Christian music station. Almost, but not quite :)

Anyway, on those difficult days, I can't bear to listen to music....at least 80% of the songs coming on the radio are about love and loss in every imaginable way. Parents that didn't love there children enough, unrequited love, lost love, love betrayed...the list is endless. And those upbeat moody rap songs I loved so...whoa Nellie! Glad I took peoples' words for it and never played those in the car with the kids.