It's True

There comes a point in your life when you realize...

Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore,
And who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past.

There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Be kinder than necessary,

because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

-Anonymous

The memories weigh heavy

Not my husband!
Engaging smile
Cheeks dimpled
Living
Loving daughters times two
Connected and certain

Seeing me
Knowing me
Stuck between my Rock and no place
with confused disease
Alone

Not my husband!
Disconnecting,
Knowing but not accepting
Body re purposed,
Wasted, inflated with it's own importance

Exhausted,
Bare,
Swollen,
Ice cold He lay simply
NOT my husband.

Back with good intentions...and bad retention.

Wow a post finally! Will I be able to retain my discipline to blog?

Well, I have never believed in making New Years resolutions but this year I decided that change was in the air. One of the changes I'm making this year is focusing more on friendships and making NEW ones. I need some SINGLE friends and in pursuit of this end, I have joined some different groups, am taking an art class and am looking into volunteering for this.

As a result I have had less time for my virtual life, including my blog. I tend to seesaw between giving 100% to any given project and Nil. All or nothing...which leads me to my next resolution, finding a balance between my projects.

I've also started going to the gym again (my third resolution). I hadn't gone most of last year, and started 3 weeks ago. Why did I stop? I have so much more energy and just feel better period.

Well where to start? So many topics...so little time.


So far this week there has been a theme to each day. It began Monday morning at the gym, but also happened later at the grocery store and then again while I was waiting for my daughter at her art class. I was drawn into extended conversations each time with a very sweet, mentally challenged individual. Just very strange. Two out of the three times the woman (a different one each time) even stopped what they were doing to address me specifically and then talk to me about nothing and everything.

On Tuesday, Relationships was the theme of the day...in the grocery store again (gosh I go there a lot.) I was passing an older gent on one of the motorized carts. I asked him to excuse me for getting in his way. He just smiled sweetly and said "I'm with the blond." pointing to an older woman pushing a cart just ahead. The pair must have been in their late seventies/early eighties and the love and desire he expressed with that simple phrase "I'm with the blond." just struck me. I turned the corner, caught up with his wife and told her what her husband had said. She smiled this big smile and said they had been together for 58 years. In that moment I felt so happy for their relationship and the obvious love and affection they shared. I felt sadness knowing I would never have that with Peter, yet simultaneously hopeful that I might find a love like theirs in my future.

I turned the aisle again to experience another striking couple. Two teenage girls were shopping for soup, laughing and discussing the merits of Campbell vs Progresso. After finalizing their choices, they walked arm in arm down the aisle, one girl giving a kiss and fondling her girlfriends buttocks. I don't mind PDA as a rule, but do think the fondling of body parts in public is a little much. And though that's why they first received my attention, they kept it because I was so impressed with their complete OKness with their pubic display of affection. No one I knew back in high school would have been OK with expressing their blatant or latent homosexuality at their local grocery store. That these young women didn't feel the need to hide I thought that was pretty amazing. I like to think it is a positive sign that the kids these days are becoming more tolerant, and expect to receive tolerance in return.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring? I think the theme might be SNOW, or WHINING CHILDREN, but I'll just have to wait and see :)

All Present And Accounted For

The Spirit of giving. What is it exactly? Whether we give out of expectation, obligation, to avoid guilt, or for the pure joy of it, we give because not to, would feel worse.

So....

What is a thoughtful gift anyway? I would say, it usually has the recipients wants and wishes fore most in mind, though haven't we all received a present that seemed to speak more about the person giving the gift? More times than not, the "gift" is something they themselves valued and wanted to share with us. These are the gifts that are sometimes presented with the prefacing statement "I know it's nothing you've ever expressed an interest in, but I love loved it and just know you will too."

Ideally, gift giving is a compromise between the values of both giver and recipient. It provides a wonderful opportunity to step outside ourselves, and really see and consider each others' desires and interests. But it is difficult to give a gift we ourselves find little value, and perhaps that is a contributing factor to this more egocentric type of gift giving. One might question whether that type of present even qualifies as a gift. Though the motivation seems pure, they loved the item and want it to bring as much joy to our life as it did to their own, do these kinds of gifts truly have us in mind?

When ever I went shopping with the girls to help them find presents for their Dad, they would pick out Etch a Sketches, glitter pens, kitties, all the things they valued and would love to get as presents. I would constantly have to remind them that that they should think of what Daddy might find useful or appreciate. I wonder how often we fall back into that kid like mentality, of giving what we ourselves would like to receive.

Interesting how in the end, it can be the receiver of one of these types of presents who is the one to give the true gift, by receiving gracefully the unexpected and undesired item.
It is after all the thought that counts.

A bra does not a woman make

What I want to know is, when did people get so strangely obsessed with their daughters' breasts?

I have been hearing from my daughter since the 2nd grade, and seen with my own eyes, little girls, not even near actual puberty wearing sport bras and training bras. I have overheard mothers talking, asking each other whether their daughter was developing yet. These are mothers of young girls 7, 8 years old, and though some girls do develop at a very young age, most don't even begin to start till they are at least 10 years old. Having said that, most of the 10 year old girls I see at my daughter's school do NOT need a bra though most seem to have them. Through conversation with my daughter's friends over the years I have been left with the distinct impression that the girls don't like wearing them and that they were told they needed them by their parents. One said it was so her nipples wouldn't show when she was cold. WHHHAAAT???? Like, little boys' nipples don't stick out when they get cold? Do we make them wear bras? So I ask what is going on here?

Dumbfounded I have had conversations with my daughter's teachers and they agree with me, that these kids are no where near puberty. Most felt that the parents were mistaking their daughters' extra body fat as developing breasts. If that is the requirement for wearing a bra then many of the boys in elementary school could qualify. So my daughter, still very much a girl, is starting to feel freakish for not needing one. Why is everyone in such a rush to sexualize these still young girls.

So off to the store we will go to get a bra she doesn't need. I am truly incensed by it all.

I wholeheartedly agree with this post on shopping for girls bras. Anyone with young daughters should take a look at what's in store for you when your girls reach that special age.

Meat your neighbors

This past week, a very odd story ran in many of the local papers..

FRAMINGHAM, Mass. - Police in Framingham are trying to figure out who keeps leaving chunks of meat on the town common, and why.

Police say residents have been finding butcher-quality cuts of meat on the common for about five weeks. In the most recent incident, a resident discovered a large piece of raw, unwrapped meat, along with what appeared to be a liver and some bones on Tuesday.

The town Board of Health is also on the case of the mystery meat. Police are asking anyone with information to give them a call at 508-872-1212.

One helpful lead...?

In possibly-related news, self-professed neo-shaman, Ervin Schnorkbuttle, claims to have proven the existence of a carnivorous spirit inhabiting the Framingham Town Common. Offerings of raw meat, left for the spirit at night, disappear without explanation, says Schnorkbuttle.

Except this meat isn't disappearing!! More likely it is a mischievous neighbor?

Now how bad can the economy be if people can afford to taunt their neighbors with butcher grade meat? It's not like they're tossing around ground chuck.

For a more in detail article on this odd event click here

About me, myself and I

So many things have been running through my head of late. I just haven't had the mental discipline, to settle on any single one, for my blog. Then this sharing, confessional mood struck and I just went with it. The following is a small peek into me myself and I.

• I appreciate big beautiful supermarkets with wide isles and an extensive international food section.
• I love the way babies smile and laugh at everything and nothing.
• I gave my first kiss in 1st grade, to a very mortified classmate.
• And received my first kiss 9 years later.
• I love digging tunnels in the snow.
• I sometimes listen in on others conversations at restaurants.
• And enjoy making up ridiculous conversations when others are eavesdropping.
• I so enjoy silliness and quirkiness.
• I killed a bumble bee, stomped it with my foot when I was in 2nd grade and it still haunts me.
• I believe there are times when emotion should outweigh reason.
• I wonder if I am a fearful optimist/hopeful cynic.
• I feel very alone.
• And desperately miss my best friend.
• I would love to find my 2nd special someone...
• I enjoy walking into the wind. (both physically and metaphorically)
• And enjoy running up and back down sand dunes!
• I can do a ridiculous amount of sit ups.
  
• I do not believe in justice...so stop holding your breath.
• I work at believing in grace, mercy, and that life never throws you more than you can handle.
• As a child, I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and still don't.
• I miss the cicadas in Rockland. Without them, summer always feels like something is missing.
• I like the new James Bond, but not the films...Come on guys write better scripts! The reason I go to a Bond film is not to see him emotionally connect with a woman and be led astray. I don't want to connect with his softer side. (no pun intended) That's not what Bond is about.
• I think Starbucks' eggnog lattes are a little taste of Christmas heaven.
• I've been in love, twice in my life.
  
• And talked myself into believing I was, in one other relationship.
• I will take a bad cup of tea over a bad cup of coffee any day.
• I question those who have all the answers.
• I think all clowns are extremely creepy.
• I feel that the straight and narrow path may not be all it's cracked up to be...and that first step off, is a real doozie.
• I have a ridiculous number of candles that I never ever burn. (Christmas gifts anyone?)
• I am very superstitious about ordering new bank checks. (I have at least 2 more boxes. Phew!)
  

Alright, the feeling has passed. That's all for now.

Sometimes a cold is just a cold

My body has often been a barometer for what is going on in my life.

Almost half way through my sophomore year in college, I experienced debilitating chronic joint pain in my hips. None of the Doctors could figure it out. I missed class, because it hurt too much to sit, let alone walk there and back. Walking back from the Art building I would call Peter in tears, begging him to please come pick me up in his car. The building was only a mile away from the dorms.

I went for CT scans and MRIs which all came back normal. It was very frustrating business to suffer so, with no attributable cause to validate the pain. As quickly as it came, it left a mere 6 months latter.

Looking back I can see how stuck I felt, and how much my life was moving in the wrong direction. Not until my situation changed, did my symptoms resolve.

I have also experienced, thankfully not in many years,TMJ symptoms so severe that I could hardly open my mouth. The onset has always coincided with a situation where I felt completely unable to express my thoughts and feelings. And not so mysteriously lasts as long as I am in said situation.

Another example is terrible wrist pain that I get from time to time. The doctors diagnosed it ten years ago as Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I had/have all the symptoms of CTS, however it comes and goes, usually only staying a week or so at a time. It only occurs a few times a year and can effect either hand. So it is obviously NOT Carpel Tunnel. I figured out 5 years ago that it only kicked in when I felt unsupported and over extended. That is when it would start hurting and I would put on one of those oh so attractive wrist braces. My wrist would get the support it needed till it felt better and I would do some soul searching to find where I needed more support. With in the week, I would be as good as new.

While this communication with my body is helpful and healthful for me, it helps further what I think is an ultimately misguided belief that my health and well being are in my control. I received the message growing up, that illness is an outward manifestation of dis ease in ones own life. While that belief empowers, it also fosters the illusion of control. There are things I can control, and I can make healthy choices, but still get sick for no reason. Not everything means something. Like dreams. Some dreams are like your brain just threw up the entire contents of the previous day, but others are important, and meaningful.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a cold is just a cold!

It's that time of year...

It's that time of year folks. All the catalogs, and advertisements are sure signs that the gift giving season is upon us. My children can't wait to look through all the catalogs and make lists of what they hope Santa will bring. The Toys R Us advertisement had some questionable items this year.
I found this delightful item in a section that advertised traditional genderless games like Scrabble, Uno, and Life repackaged all pink and girlified. Does the manufacturer really think that girls are going to see these and think "Like oh my God! I never wanted to play Scrabble before but it looks so cute in that pink box. Now that it's pink I just have to have it!" And what about the Ouija board. I thought the whole point of that was the creep out factor. Though the statement on the box...Ask the questions girls want to know creeps me out a little. Which dead female icon would they be getting said advice from anyway?

Or how about this one?
My Life Handheld "Customize your own character, choose a pet, play games, and live a fun virtual life!" Oh yea. I prefer to give gifts that promote a fun filled REAL life. But hey, that's just me.


Personally I am hoping I get the Shamwow. I just love the as seen on TV infomercials. (Hint hint Dad) And those water globes are pretty, though practically speaking, you can just invert any soda bottle filled with water and stick it in a pot to achieve the same effect.

Knowledge is a frightening thing

I love love LOVE my new phone. So many gadgets and new features, access to the web, video capability all with 8 GB memory card. I have been playing with and so enjoying getting to know all the features of this phone.

Though I usually can recognize by sound, the band or artist who is singing, I have never been one to keep song titles in my head. The new song id feature on my phone has opened up a whole new world. It has given me the opportunity to consider groups I didn't know I liked. For example I felt very confused to find out this one song I had really been enjoying in the car the other day, was Sure Shot by the Beastie Boys. Now I am not talking about their 1986 album Licensed to Ill, which is arguably a classic with their hits Brass Monkey and Fight For Your Right. I Just didn't realize I was a Beastie Boys fan. Who knew? What's next Vanilla Ice?

I